If man won’t kill God, the Devil will do it!

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Director: Zack Snyder
Cinematographer: Larry Fong

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I haven’t been looking forward to doing this in the slightest. Before I begin please keep in mind that my DC comic knowledge goes as far as The Killing Joke and that even if my opinion on something I watch is negative, I will always urge people to still see the film. I am looking at this simply as a movie, nothing else. The film is making money so it can’t be all bad. Well yeah, it can. t I think a film that kicks up this much fuss will make money no matter how diabolical it is because, well, curiosity killed the cat didn’t it. If a film gets this much negative feedback conflicted with little spatters of positive feedback, people will go and see it no matter what, because they need to know for themselves.
I shall start this with saying how glad I am of my cinema card because I don’t feel like I was robbed of a substantial amount of money to waste my precious time. I did however, go to the double bill so I had to sit through the torment of Man of Steel all over again and by the time Batman v Superman was ready to air, I was a little excited. It can’t be as bad as Man of Steel I said, this will be redemption I said, I am ready I said. I was wrong.
The story is simple, Superman broke one of Bruce Wayne’s things and a few other peoples things in Man of Steel  and it made Bruce angry.
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So we had a disorientating and poorly constructed plot, a clumsily thought out non-linear series of short stories pieced together by bad CGI, pretentious and pointless philosophical drizzle (which is wasted when all the fans can commend is the action, wrong audience guys) dream sequences that mean nothing to someone who has no clue about the comics and two actors that look about as thrilled as a parent who just watched their kid get pissed on. Sold yet?
Now I know the actors don’t need to look thrilled. But something, anything. I know Zack wanted gritty and dark and brooding and some people, somehow, did feel and see this but all I got was straight up mardy. The dialogue is cringe worthy and cliched at best which is almost uncomfortable to watch. There is no chemistry between Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill on screen, I don’t feel like they mean it. It’s like a half arsed rivalry. I’m stronger! No, I’m stronger! No, me! Really? Yawn. I can’t fathom the praise that Ben Affleck is getting for this role, his character was the portrayal of an angsty teenager, not a rich, powerful alcoholic, womanising and murdering man. and Whilst I’m concentrating on our main men, I also want to point out that the fight scenes and action just aren’t that good. It’s clunky and it’s slow which made for what should have been the Pièce de résistance just something else for me to complain about when I left the cinema. I wanted the greatest gladiator match in the history of the world, I did not get it. I did however, get a good ol’ giggle at Doomsday who looked like the ugly little brother of the troll from Harry Potter. I’ve looked Doomsday up and I am so disappointed with the screen version of him. Lex was okay. Not outstanding, not shit, but okay. Jesse channeled his inner Social Network powers and turned the crazy up to 8. Not a disappointment but nothing to shout about either. The one character I really did like, was Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot not only looked the part, she delivered! She actually brought something to the table! Unfortunately for her, she only got about 20 minutes in the film and I think about 17 of those minutes is the final fight BUT she is the one to watch, putting both Cavill and Affleck to shame.
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I really don’t want to discuss this film much more, I think I’ve covered enough without giving away any spoilers as to what I thought about it. Which is a crying shame. There is nothing I love more than a good action film but it just fell way too short.
I’d really appreciate not waking up to DC fanboys egging my house. I’m sorry, I tried my hardest.

For fans of: Man of Steel, Ghostrider, Green Lantern and any other shit super hero film.

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